Matt’s Random Thoughts

I know I’ve complained a great deal recently about my apartment complex. I suppose it’s because after three years here, the pent up frustrations HAVE to be released. Either way, nothing seems to be getting better. I mean, the place isn’t THAT bad. We could have roaches and shootings.

Today, however, was another fine example of incompetance. I was sitting in the living room watching the Ellen show, when I heard something at the door. I get up, open the door, and there’s a yellow/orange card hanging on the doornob.

“Brenda and Duane, please have yourself or Duane stop by Duane needs to initial Back of Lease agreement. Thx Barbara.”

Now Barbara is the Assistant Manager. She’s actually really nice and I like her. However, I would like to point out that the above note is word for word what the notice said, complete with capitalizations. My question is, if the note was written to Brenda AND Duane, why does it say “yourself or Duane”?

However, that’s not the main point. The note was hung on the door. The door contains our apartment number in big black letters. What’s my number? 104. What was the apartment it was addressed to? 102. Did someone not learn their numbers in school? Apparently not. Either that or they weren’t paying attention, and I’m leaning toward the latter. Now I have to go hang it on 102 for them because they’re not competant enough to do so. Let’s see, at minumum wage or $5.15 an hour, for 2 minutes of my time I should get about 17 cents. Perhaps they’ll take it off next month’s rent. No, I don’t think so.

Cha-Ching! Matt has a way to earn income now! So I’m officially a consultant with Tastefully Simple as you read in this post. Saturday the 22nd was my first taste testing party hosted by the fabulous Tara D at the even more fabulouser ghetto featherstone apartment.

Tara had invited a good number of people, several of whom RSVP’d to say they were coming. Unfortunately however, only four people showed. That’s okay though, it was good practice, and everyone had tons of samples! Yummy. I discovered during this party that I’m now addicted to some of the products that Tastefully Simple offers. For starters, there’s Bacon Bacon and Garlic Garlic. Those are dip mixes and mmmmmm are they good. I can see right now I’m going to have to start working out again or else I’m going to outdo the freshman fifteen I gained with the grad student twenty.

The party still went really well. My next one is Friday night at my mom’s house. Hopefully that one will do well too!

Last night I got a virus. Actually I got spyware, THEN that gave me a virus. I started getting popups, so I tried to run Ad-Aware. A box would popup saying I had violated something or other, and my computer would be shut down. After investigating, I discovered I had gotten the Blaster Virus. But I had Norton Antivirus! And it was up to date! (Apparently Norton was like the broken condom of antivirus software last night!) Perhaps this is related to THIS post.

Anyway, after a long and grueling process, I have finally exercized the demons within my pc and given them a healthy “byte” sized dose of digital Cipro. Bye Bye, you electronic STDs! Norton, Ad-Aware, and Spybot all say I’m clean. Whooohooo! I still have to run Housecall though. (I highly recommend it, as it’s free!)

I was so livid pissed by all of this, but I can’t put my thoughts into words. Instead, I decided to draw a picture. Had I drawn this when I was in Visual Arts in Primary School I totally would’ve won a first place award! (Isn’t that right, Mrs. Yagel?) Or I would’ve been referred to a counselor. Either way, some good would’ve come out of it!

I think we net users should create a lobbying campaign for the “Unethical Treatment of Virus Creators”. You know, we should push to legalize public lynchings of them and such. Feel free to start a petition! (Or just comment here.)

Ahhh, two days of snow. Snow would be so wonderful it the cold was optional. Imagine playing in snow bare chested, only wearing shorts and flip flops, just like at the beach. Snow would be perfect. Though snow ball fights would leave some interesting bruises….

I remember when I was in grade school we’d hear it was going to snow and we’d quietly wish (haha, yeah right, openly and loudly wish) that school would be canceled. Usually it never was. Which, thinking back, I never understood because we got out a few days when it rained really hard. Stupid school officials. (And I really do mean stupid. If you don’t believe me, read some of the school board minutes. Hey, I spoke at this one!) I recall one day when I was a junior in high school when we all went to school one morning and by 11 we’d gotten a foot of snow. We were being released early, and all drivers had to go to the commons to get a lecture on how to drive in the snow. Hey folks, I DID pass driver ed. Besides, I know how to drive in snow. It’s the other crazies who don’t. Regardless, I step outside to find my dad waiting in his huge suv. It was rather nice, however, because I was just able to follow his tracks home, and ANYONE who has driven Regina Road would know the benefits of this.

Also during junior year, I was taking AP Calculus via satellite from this high school near Richmond. Sorry, I’m having a brain fart and can’t recall the name. This course involved the 7 or so students sitting in a room watching tv. Not bad. It was quite entertaining. We love’d Mrs. Williamson, but not having her in the room with us allowed us to make several remarks that you couldn’t normally make. Our facilitator, Mr. Balderson, didn’t seem to care. Anyway, one day Mrs. Williamson told us a story of how she used to have her students do the snow dance on air. She was quite surprised to later find out the school asked her to cease this, because the snow dance was deemed a religious activity, and the school simply could not endorse any religious activities. Meanwhile, Dennis, the poor russian exchange student who was in the class with us, was confused as usual.

Snow, how I miss thee. I remember back at home when it would snow a great deal and we’d go sledding back in the fields. I loved being pulled behind the four wheeler on an inner tube. And then there’s the old videos of us that we recently had put on DVD. (I’ll have to capture some of it for my site.) Both my brother, sister, and I all wore the same snow suit throughout our early years. Such is a PRIME example of a hand-me-down. But what did we care. We got to play in the snow, all the while staying warm. And to the person who discovered you could wrap your feet in trash bags to keep the melted snow out, I salute you!

And I can’t forget my dog Princess. The little mut was so small, when it snowed she’d have to hop through the snow. Of course, her white fur didn’t help either. She could’ve gotten lost out there if it weren’t for our collie Thumper tagging along with her.

VARINA HIGH SCHOOL! That’s it! Varina, rhymes with Vagina. How utterly inappropriate. Oh well, now I’ll have something to job my memory when I forget the name.

I love snow.

The other day Tara and I went to see The Incredibles. Great movie for the whole family! I’d definately go see it again. However, I’ll DEFINATELY wait until it’s on video. Why? Movies are expensive!

I swear, I will be a student forever so long as I can get my discount at the movies. I may be 50, but I’ll be sure to keep my ID. (Now I have two, CNU & ODU) Seriously folks, $8.50 for a movie is ridiculous, and so is the $6.50 student rate. Stupid Regal and AMC are trying to screw everyone over. I remember growing up, there was no AMC or Regal. We had to settle for the theatre in Kilmarnock (which only showed movies PG-13 or under, but later closed and is now the sports store) or Hillside Cinema in Gloucester. Hillside still stands today, and I think it should be marked as a historical site. I saw many great movies there, like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1 & 2 - Go ninja, go ninja, go! Yay Vanilla Ice!). I mention that Hillside still stands for a reason. There movies are only $3.25 for NEW RELEASES. I saw several movies there on opening night (Harry Potter, The Matrix, Planet of the Apes, etc.) and didn’t have to wait in line. And it was ONLY $3.25!

In addition to the over priced movies at the big chains, they also jack up the price of popcorn and other goodies. Hello! Popcorn should NOT cost $5 a bucket. And a soda is definately not $5 either. I’ll freely admit we have clearly violated the “No outside food or drinks” policy several times thanks to Tara’s big purses. Go ahead and arrest me! Those bastards should be arrested for violating common decency! Are goodies overpriced at Hillside? Nope!

Next on my bitchlist: Advertisements. You pay $8-9 to see a movie at Regal or AMC. You arrive at showtime. Does the movie start? No. You get to see stupid ads for Coke and “Friendship, pass it on.” (Gag me already!) Sorry suckers, but I shouldn’t have to pay that much in the first place, let alone pay that much to be advertised to! You’re supposed to pay ME to watch ads! Does Hillside have ads? NOPE!

So why do big name theatres do all of this? Is it because they have to? Hell no! They do it so they can earn the big bucks. Hillside does none of this, and they have survived for years. Everyone needs to boycott the chains and go to their locally owned theatres. It’s cheaper, and you’re not supporting some bigwig somewhere who’s only going to use the money on crack and whores.

So let this be MY public service announcement! Go ELSEWHERE! And if you have nowhere else to go, feel free to sneak your own food and snacks into Regal. SUCKERS!

I AM A SALESMAN! Hear me roar! (or at least squeek a little bit)

Over the past two weeks I’ve been setting up to become a Tastefully Simple consultant. Now I officially am! I sell gourmet food. Sure, it’s not as fun as sex toys like Tasteful Treasures, but I don’t think I could ever sell that stuff anyway. Food I can handle. Mmmm… food…. I like food!

My first party is this Saturday, the 22nd at 7PM. Feel free to come and taste test! I’ve ordered a bunch more samples for the party, and hopefully they’ll be here by Saturday. FedEx has been good, so I’m sure they’ll get here.

If you would like to book a party, you get $10 in free products for every $100 the party makes. (In January you get $15). If you make over $200 at the party, you also get a nice leaf dish. There are also rewards for higher sales and if there are bookings. I’m doing door prizes and such too. It’s going to be a fun time. And hey, you get to eat! That’s the best part! Email Me if you’re interested!

I’m thinking now, however. Those comm classes I took undergrad on persuasion and interpersonal communication had theories out the wahoo. I wonder how applicable they’ll be. Perhaps that’s why I changed my major.

See you on Saturday, folks! Come hungry!

After weeks of contemplating about buying a stun gun from a reputable seller like eBay, I’ve discovered I don’t really need it. You see, I had this fear of going to ODU, with it being in the center of the Norfolk Ghetto. However, I made it to class and back without getting robbed/stabbed/raped/tickled/annoyed. Let’s here it for safety!

So the concept of going to ODU has finally sunk in. Prior to last night it was “CNU this” and “CNU that”. No more. Hell, last night, which was my first official night on campus as a student, I was giving people directions. (Excellent tour, Catt!) Ahhh… I’m officially a grad student!

There are still kinks to work out, however. Fearing the demon hellspawn that is the Hampton Roads Bridge Tunnel, I set out on my journey to the southside a little early. Class started at 7:10, so I left at a modest 4:30. I WILL BEAT YOU TRAFFIC! In fact, I really must have. There wasn’t any traffic at all. I arrived on the ODU campus at roughly 5:10. Wow, two hours to kill. What to do, what to do….

I walked over to the Webb Center, again no longer feeling the need for any hand-to-hand combat weaponry to defend myself from attackers. I had prepared my papers to get my ID card. SHIT! I didn’t shave that morning and I looked like Grizzly Adams. No ID today. (As of this writing, apparently no ID today either!) So that’s 1 hour, 47 minutes left to kill.

Long story short, the rest of the night was me walking around campus, the Webb Center, and the BAL building. I think I rode the elevators a good ten times. Weeeeee! Class wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be. I still don’t really know that many people, but yesterday was pretty much my first day of Kindergarten in the Kingdom of Graduate School, but without the naptime. Tonight could be a totally different story. I just hope I don’t get shot since I mentioned I didn’t get shot last night.

Last night was an adventure. Tara and I decide (well, I WANTED) to go see the Phantom of the Opera. She had seen it on stage, but I, being from backwoods BFE, have never had the pleasure. After quickly checking Fandango, we see it’s not playing at the Kiln Creek Regal. (And why the hell not?) So we are forced to drive all the way to ghetto Hampton to go to the AMC 24. I swear, they could fill the theatre with B-movies and that place would still be packed.

After parking all the way in the back near the road, we make the trek up to the theatre. Imagine the Griswold’s at Wally World. We’d definately be the first to leave. After the 10 mile hike to the cashier, we discover Phantom is sold out. It is the ONLY movie sold out! What the hell? All of these movies on opening night, and Phantom is the one sold out?

Returning back to the faraway land that housed my car, we decided we still needed/wanted to do something. The solution: McDonald’s Milkshakes! Mmmmm… (Naturally sold out movies lead to milkshakes! EVERYONE knows that!) There was a McDonald’s a short way down HRC Pkwy. Drive thru, here we come!

“Welcome to McDonald’s! May I take yo’ orduh?”
“Yes, I’d like a medium vanilla sha-”
“We’re sorry, sir. Our ice cream machine is broken.”
“Oh… okay. Thanks anyway.”

Damn you Ronald McDonald! But we would NOT be defeated! Off to the McDonald’s on J.Clyde Morris, the next one up on the interstate.

“Welcome to McDonald’s! May I take your order?”
“Yes, I like a medium vanilla shake and a-”
“I’m sorry, sir. Our machine is broken.”
“What the f@#*? Fine, thanks anyway!”

Grrr… Ronald, you suck! We will not be beaten! Off to McDonald’s on the corner of Oyster Pt. and Jefferson. Holy Crap! There’s a friggin’ line!!! Seriously folks, there were about 5 cars before us, and about 3 pulled in behind us. Tara and I just looked at each other thinking “They better have friggin’ milk shakes if we’re gonna wait!”

I believe about 7-10 minutes went by waiting. There was a huge SUV that apparently placed the order of the century. (perhaps they were filming Supersize Me 2: Bigger, Fatter, Greasier!”) Meanwhile, Tara comes up with the witty comment about McDonald’s advertising and naming. You see, there was a sign for a double quarter pounder with cheese beside the drive thru.

“Why don’t they just call it a half pounder?” she says.
“I don’t know. Good question?”
“Maybe because they figure the idiots that come here think DOUBLE is bigger than half?”
“Probably… stupid morons. And these people have jobs!”

We drive up a little. It’s our turn.

“Welcome to McDonald’s! May I take your order?”
“Yes, I’d like a medium vanilla milk shake….” No interruption. “And a medium chocolate shake.”

I turn to Tara. Their machine works!
“Anything else?” The speaker asks.
“No that’s all.”
“Your total is $4.44. Please drive around.”
“HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH!” I sang as we drove around.

So I pull around to the window. “Oh my goodness! Look!” I said. They actually had a sign on the window asking to direct comments to the owners, and they listed an email address! (jg65@netzero.net for those who are interested) “We are TOTALLY going to email them, explain that they were the only McDonald’s with a working ice cream machine! Remember that address!” I said.

The window opens. “Did you have the shakes?”
“Yes.”
“Here you go. Have a good night.”
“Thank you.”

We proceed to drive off. Then Tara noticed that our order was not correct. No. Alas, McDonald’s had actually gotten an order wrong! So much for perfection. Rather than giving us a vanilla and a chocolate, the geniuses apparently tried to improvise. We had one normal vanilla and a second vanilla that was topped with tons of hot fudge. Apparently that’s how this McDonald’s makes their chocolate shakes.

How interesting that the McDonald’s with the email address was the one that had the working machine. How quickly we changed our minds about the subject of our email. No longer would it be a thankful one, but one of complaint. I haven’t written it yet, but I’ll be sure to post it here.

In the mean time, please share your McDonald’s (or other fast food) horror stories.

Yesterday wasn’t too thrilling of a day. I did the usual, you know, wake up, shower, sit around. Although I kept hearing this “chinging” sound whenever I walked around. I couldn’t tell where it was coming from. Were the neighbors doing something? Were the pipes going bad? I could not figure it out.

So I spent the whole day paranoid about this sound. What was it, you ask? I found this out later that night when I took my pants off to put on my pajamas. I had quarters in my pocket that were banging against one another when I walked. I was getting freaked out because of QUARTERS! MERE CHANGE! How much of a crazy idiot am I? Goodness, if I’m going to let money scare the crap out of me, could it at least be an evil $100 (or even an evil $20) in my wallet? I would gladly play the role of Buffy the Dollar Slayer.

Stupid quarters….

This morning I finally got to meet Catt at ODU. We met at the Batten Arts and Letters building and she took me under her wing and introduced me to a bunch of folks. I’m liking the department so far. Everyone seems like family.

Afterwards we wandered over to the parking garage to buy parking passes. I bought a parking pass for $21. You hear that CNU? TWENTY-ONE DOLLARS! No longer shall I pay $200! Mwahaha!

Just when I started to feel good about the tiny amount I had to spend, we ended up in the bookstore. Oh…my…. How many books did you say we needed again? There were a good 10 books for my one class, and about 6 for my other class. I only bought the ones that had used copies. I’ll go back for the rest once I get my student loan check. The total thus far: $70.50. OUCH! I MISS YOU HALF.COM!

It was extremely nice of Catt to show me around. (While I’m on this note, please go vote for her “Does this mean I’m a grown-up?” at the Best of Blogs Awards!) She introduced me to a few soon-to-be fellow students, including the president of their (soon to be my) chapter of Phi Alpha Theta. I think I’m really going to enjoy ODU. Of course, I still have that feat that I’m going to end up peeing myself while crying in the corner after the first night of class. We’ll see…we’ll see….