Tara and I recently returned from our trip to the 2007 lia sophia conference in Milwaukee. It should be noted that during the conference, Milwaukee experienced a temperature spike. This was most likely attributed to the numerous hot flashes the 3000 female conference attendees experienced. Apparently, in the few days of this conference, the high rate of concentrated hot flashes destroyed more of the ozone layer than all the cow farts in New Zealand.
In a related story, Men were outraged when their beloved restrooms were converted to Women’s restrooms to accommodate the vast increase in the female population. Unfortunately, however, there was an injury in one instance in which an elderly lady attempted to use a urinal. Her rump was lodged in the urinal, and because the bathrooms had been upgraded to a touch free flush system, the urinal continued to flush when she moved, struggling to free herself, thereby flooding the restroom and alerting staff of the problem. Upon being unstuck, she slipped on the wet floor and broke her hip. She was ready to state “I’ve fallen, and I can’t get up!” but conference staff quickly called 911.
On a positive note, the new jewelry looks really good. Oh, and this crap was completely made up. I know most people would know that anyway, but I figured I’d stick in a disclaimer.
They say a picture is worth a thousand words. So, without further ado…
Tara is approximately 8 weeks pregnant. The due date is estimated at January 30th, 2008.
I will have to say, we’ve known for a while, and so have selective people. Just the other day we watched the movie “Knocked Up.” Boy, that’s something to look forward to. And, as you can see in the picture, it’s not twins.
I keep bugging Tara to start a baby blog. Right now she’d pretty much just write “I feel like crap” everyday. But we’ll see. If she decides to go for it, I’ll post a link.
After receiving a cordial “How’s it going?” email this morning from the one and only Catt, I realized I had been neglecting my blog. What could I write about? And then it hit me this morning when I looked out across the road at my neighbors house…
We’ve been living here for about about a year and a half, and we’ve only really met two of our neighbors. The first lives next door. He loves fishing, and as of this past December, he apparently went away on a never ending fishing trip or something. He’s disappeared. One of his boats is still at his house, and his fish mouth mailbox is still there. The only change are the residents of the house, which is a youngish couple with a little toddler. We have no idea where the guy went, and the new folks, whom we assume are related to him somehow, are less than friendly. Not too bad, though. They’re not ex-felons or sex offenders (yes, I checked).
It’s our other neighbor who is the most intriguing. A year ago, Tara and I were cleaning out our gutters when the neighbor from across the road rolled over in his go-go-gadget wheelchair. This was puzzling altogether, because we had seen the guy walking. He introduced himself, and after a brief chit chat, I found out he is the brother of a woman who attended the same church I went to as a kid. Small world. He kept talking. We were really trying to get the point across that we had to finish the gutters, but he seemed oblivious. After 20-30 minutes, he finally left, giving us his card. Apparently he’s an interior designer. (More on this, later.)
We finished the gutters and went inside where Mom and Nanny were cleaning up. They asked about the guy, and I told him that he was related to the woman from church. A few days later, my mom called to tell me she had talked to some people and they all told her the guy was weird. Coincidentally, I mentioned to his nephew, who was a senior at LHS, that he was my neighbor, and the kid said the same thing. So we had several sources concerning the overall weirdness of the neighbor. Now, however, we had the opportunity to witness things first hand.
One night, Tara and I were driving home, as we pulled into our lane, something caught my eye at the neighbor’s house. Mind you, he has NO curtains. “Holy crap! He has Destiny’s Child in his living room!” After we parked the car, I grabbed Tara by the arm and yanked her to the end of the drive way to show her. Indeed, he had a cardboard cut out of what appeared to be Beyonce and the gals. I guess the creepy old white guy has a thing for successful, musical, black chicks.
What’s more interesting about this guy is that he is apparently very religious. He indicated this from our first conversation when he told us he couldn’t teach in public schools because his degree was in Christian Education. Of course, we never really knew what type of Christian that was. I assumed Episcopalian since that’s what the church was his sister went too, but then he started having these Jehovah’s Witnesses over. They were at his house almost every day. One day, we swear they had a lemonade stand. Creepy. I think of the sketchy old man from comedy bits saying “Hey little boy, want some caaaandy?”
The Jehovah’s Witnesses were coming and coming and coming. They painted his house. They raked his yard. They mowed his grass. Of course, while they did all of this, they wore dress shirts, ties, and slacks. Why anyone would do all of this so well dressed is beyond me. It’s just odd. All the while, the neighbor will walk around outside shirtless around his guests. So much for clothes, so much for the wheelchair.
I’m sure everyone has creepy or weird neighbors, but this guy is just different. We try to avoid him. However, it’s hard when you get home and he tries walking over. We try to run into the house, pretending we didn’t see him attempting to wave or walk over. Rude, yes, but cautious. I’ve seen waaaay to many episodes of Desperate Housewives to know that everyone has skeletons in their closets, sometimes literally, and I don’t want to find out about this guy.